XOXO And Don't Tell A Soul
by mellifluous cloud
Summary: Overwhelmed by stress, Molly feels like her world is crumbling beneath her until one person's love changes everything. The only problem is making sure no one else finds out.
1. Drops of Jupiter

TITLE: XOXO And Don't Tell A Soul  
AUTHOR: mellifluous cloud  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own So Weird or any of its characters, and, despite recent confusion/controversy, I do not own Jack. It was ridiculous of me to think that I own a made-up character from a TV show. Therefore, I would like to correct myself: I own Patrick Levis.:) I also do not own "Drops Of Jupiter" by Train.  
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I just wanted to say to Tabetha—your fics inspired me to write this, so thanks. :D 

Chapter One

_Now that she's back in the atmosphere  
With drops of Jupiter in her hair, hey, hey  
She acts like summer and walks like rain  
Reminds me that there's time to change, hey, hey  
Since the return of her stay on the moon  
She listens like spring and she talks like June, hey, hey_

"I love this song."

I only nodded as Carey leaned over from the driver's seat and turned the volume knob of the car's radio to the right. Through the window, people could be seen hurrying through the streets, gripping their umbrellas as they sloshed through the puddles. It was the gloomiest day by far in all of August, at least as far as the weather was concerned. But even the dark looming clouds above held a silver lining. Today, Fi was coming home—to stay.

_Tell me, did you sail across the sun  
Did you make it to the Milky Way to see the lights all faded  
And that heaven is overrated  
Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star  
One without a permanent scar  
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there_

God, I had missed her. It's no secret that I hate losing people, and I'm a magnet for it. Only with Fi, it was different. She had left me almost willingly—Annie's arrival did influence her decision, but in a way, I still resented her for that.

Annie tried too hard to take Fi's place. It was probably the worst thing she could have done, even though I doubt she was aware of it. She wanted so badly to be my daughter—but who could blame her? Her parents literally dumped her off with me because they didn't know how to handle their own child. It's a shame, really. I know that all she wanted was to feel like she was a part of the family, and I tried the best I could to make her feel that way. She practically became my sidekick—always hanging around me, trying to keep me company or make me feel better. And she only succeeded in making me miss Fi more.

Only, Fi _could_ have stayed. I _begged_ her to stay, but she still left me. I know it would have been hard for her with Annie around, to have to "share" me, but Fi will always be my daughter. Now a year has gone by and it's easier for her to accept it. I wish I could say the same for myself.

_Now that she's back from that soul vacation  
Tracing her way through the constellation, hey, hey  
She checks out Mozart while she does tae-bo  
Reminds me that there's room to grow, hey, hey  
Now that she's back in the atmosphere  
I'm afraid she might think of me as plain ol' Jane  
Told a story 'bout a man who was too afraid to fly so he never did land_

And as I looked over to Carey, with his eyes fixed on the road, determined to get us to the airport through this storm no matter what—this should be the happiest day of my life, I thought. My baby's coming home. But it was lacking in so much and I didn't even know what it was that was missing. Somehow, everything was.

Where's Jack? Doesn't he even care about his own sister any more? He, Annie, and Clu had some "important plans" that they just couldn't break. Not even to see Fi, not even to see his own sister, who had been gone for an entire year. His _sister_—who we hadn't seen since New Year's Day.

_Tell me, did the wind sweep you off your feet  
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day  
And head back to the Milky Way  
And tell me, did Venus blow your mind  
Was it everything you wanted to find  
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there_

If it weren't for Carey, I'd be making this trip by myself. I watched him now, as he moved his lips soundlessly to the lyrics of the song. "Thanks for doing this."

He jumped a little, startled by a voice other than the ones singing the song by which he was so entranced. "It was nothing, Molly," he replied quickly.

"No. It was everything. Carey, you're the only person who was there for me today. And I want to let you know that I appreciate that so much."

_Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken  
Your best friend always sticking up for you  
Even when I know you're wrong  
Can you imagine no first dance, freeze-dried romance  
Five-hour phone conversation  
The best soy latte that you ever had… and me_

"Is that what's bothering you?" Carey asked.

I was shocked by his question. "What? Nothing's bothering me," I lied.

"It has to be. That's why you look so heartbroken."

Heartbroken? I was definitely not heartbroken. "I am not," I said, the sentence coming out as though I were three years old. Yes, you are. Damnit! Why did he have to be right? How did Carey know me so well? I guess it could have been because he's known me all twenty-and-a-half years of his life. I heaved a heavy sigh. "You're right. I'm upset that everybody let me down. And…" I couldn't believe I was about to tell him this. "I hate how Fi just left me last year. Did she even miss me in all that time?"

I knew exactly what he would do now. Tell me that I'm being silly. That Jack and Clu and Annie really do care, which they do, of course. That they just couldn't make it. That I had nothing to worry about, and just to focus on being happy about finally seeing my daughter again. And that she wouldn't let me down anymore, that she certainly did miss me, and that she was here to stay.

_Tell me, did the wind sweep you off your feet  
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day  
And head back toward the Milky Way  
Tell me, did you sail across the sun  
Did you make it to the Milky Way to see the lights all faded  
And that heaven is overrated  
Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star  
One without a permanent scar  
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself  
And did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day  
And did you fall from a shooting star, fall from a shooting star  
And were you lonely looking for yourself out there_

The airport came into view, and Carey pulled into the parking lot smoothly, just as the song faded away. He still hadn't spoken when he stopped the car in a spot near the entrance and turned off the engine. Then he faced me and said, "I don't blame you."


	2. Her Arrival

Chapter Two

Chapter Two

"Look! Look, that's her!" Carey shouted, pointing and waving. I turned to look where he was motioning and my breath nearly caught in my throat. Fiona saw us just then and her face broke into a wide grin as she ran toward us.

"Carey!" she exclaimed happily, before immediately turning her attention to me. She didn't say a word and I could have sworn her eyes were brimming with tears. I was already on the verge of bawling. Fi looked so beautiful. I guess a daughter is always beautiful in her mother's eyes. She was just Fi—she hadn't changed at all. For some reason, I had expected her to. I thought maybe I'd find her transformed, completely different, but she was still the same daughter that I knew and loved… only right now, more than ever.

She threw her arms around me and hugged me so tight that I couldn't breathe. I wanted the moment to last forever. "Mom," she murmured, nuzzling her head against my shoulder. How could you leave me, Fi? How could you leave me, with Annie as my only substitution for a daughter?

After a time that felt much too short, she pulled away. I quickly wiped away my tears with the back of my hand, thankful for the fact that I was wearing waterproof mascara today. I hated to cry in public, and I did it so often.

Fi gave Carey a lingering hug before stepping back and wiping away her tears much like I had just moments before. I glanced up at Carey, and even his eyes looked a little misty. It might have been the first time I saw him like that, come to think of it. We weren't anywhere near this emotional when we saw Fi on New Year's Day. But that day was nowhere near as emotional as today, because Fi wouldn't be gone again tomorrow. How did we survive without her courage, her determination, her strives for adventure for an entire year? How did she survive without us?

"Where are Jack, Clu, and Annie?" Fi asked, snapping the silence between us.

Carey and I looked at each other, unsure of how to answer the question. How horrible would it be to return home, expecting a possible seven people there to greet you, and find only two? "They couldn't make it," Carey finally answered.

"Oh…" I could tell that she was horribly disappointed, and now I felt guilty. I should have put a dog leash on Jack and dragged him all the way here, if I had to. He and I would definitely need to have a little talk about that when I got home, I decided.

So, once we were all ready to go, we made our way through the crowd and headed toward the exit. As we walked, I caught Fi sneaking glances at Carey on several occasions. I smiled—apparently I'd have to have a little talk with her when I got home, too.


	3. Set In Stone

Chapter Three

Chapter Three

"What did Annie _do?_"

I looked around the bedroom and sighed. Maybe I never should have let Annie get the walls painted hot pink, or the lime green bedspread, or the neon orange pillowcases. Then again, it was _Annie's _room, and Fi never had the chance to really make it her own. Fi groaned, stepping further into the doorway and putting the suitcases on the floor.

"You could stay in the guestroom instead," I offered. "If the colors here are a little too much."

Fi laughed. "Nah, I'll let Annie have it and take the bigger room. We can paint everything black later." She grinned.

"Black?" I asked worriedly.

"Not really, Mom," Fi said quickly, reaching over to tear down an *NSYNC poster. She made a face. "Yuck."

After she had rearranged everything to a satisfactory level of improvement, we sat cross-legged on the bed, facing each other. "So," I said. "Mother and daughter talk?"

She smiled, her eyes lighting up. "What do you want to talk about?"

"Carey." I held my breath, silently praying that she wouldn't get upset with me for this. But for some reason, my level of curiosity had hit its peak and I was dying to know. In the past, Fi and I shared many secrets, since we were the only girls in the house most of the time before Annie came along, and when both Carey and Clu visited us every day. But, that was then. That was before Fi would even imagine leaving me. Could we still share our secrets with each other?

Her cheeks reddened slightly, and I knew immediately that I hadn't imagined the way she was watching him. I remembered this look—it was the same look she had after I asked her about that boy she met a few years ago, Ryan. "When did this happen?" I asked.

"I don't know… today, I guess. But it was always there," she said, her voice now softer. I didn't say anything, just noticing the way she suddenly seemed so out of touch and distant. She really liked him a lot. I felt a slight tinge of jealousy—I wished I could feel that way about someone. But nobody had even come close to making me feel that way, since Rick. "He's so smart… and funny… and incredibly sweet…" My tinge of jealousy faded away. Maybe I could give Tad a call tonight. Besides, it was so cute how Fi was rattling off Carey's qualities. Somehow, in the back of my mind, I always imagined that she'd end up with one of the Bell brothers. She'd grown up with them. It was almost set in stone.

I went downstairs to start dinner for Fiona and me, which would be a simple dish of spaghetti and tomato sauce. Today was far too stressful to make anything fancy. After dinner, I just wanted to take a hot shower and get into bed, letting the falling raindrops pattering against the roof soothe me to sleep. I could face life tomorrow.

"Is there enough for one more?"

The sudden voice startled me, and I screamed. The wooden spoon, in my hands just seconds ago, clattered on the floor, sending with it little drops of boiling water everywhere. Thankfully, I narrowly avoided being struck by one of them. I spun around to face Carey, who was standing in the kitchen doorway.

"What are you doing here?" I asked. I didn't mean to sound so annoyed, but he had scared the hell out of me. "I mean," I added, taking deep breaths to calm myself, "didn't you drive home after you dropped me off?" He had to. Unless I was going crazy, which didn't seem too unlikely, considering all that had happened today.

"Oh… God. Sorry," he muttered, bending down quickly to pick up the wooden spoon I had dropped. He handed it to me with a sheepish smile. "Here."

It was hard not to smile back. "It's okay, Carey. You just scared me, that's all." Well, that's obvious. Why was it impossible to make a single intelligent comment today? "So… were you here this whole time?" I asked.

Carey snatched a paper towel from the roll on the counter and wiped the water that had fallen on the floor. "I went home first," he explained. "But nobody was there so I walked back to see if maybe Jack and Clu were hanging out here."

"Jack's not home yet," I told him.

"I know." There was silence and I continued mixing around the tomato sauce, not that it was really that necessary. "Okay, so I probably shouldn't invite myself over after giving you such a scare before, but is it okay if I eat dinner here? I really don't feel like eating pizza bagel bites for the third day in a row."

I laughed. "It's okay, you know you're always welcome." I had a feeling that I wouldn't be eating too much anyway.

"Thanks!" I just gave my it-was-nothing nod and stirred up the sauce again. Then I eyed the spaghetti. Was it just me or were they taking extra-long to cook today? For a brief moment the kitchen lit up slightly, and some seconds later the unmistakable boom of thunder followed it. There goes my peaceful storm. "Do you need help?"

I turned and looked at Carey in disbelief. Someone was offering to help me? Was it possible? I nodded slightly and Carey stood up, running to the stove. "I'm sorry, Carey… I don't know what's wrong with me… I can't think straight or cook a simple meal or do anything right today…" I began.

"Look, it's okay," he assured me, giving me a small shove to the table. "Just sit down and relax. I'll take care of everything." I walked over to the table in somewhat of a daze and sat down, having nothing better to do then watch him watch the pots. I could now see why my daughter liked Carey so much. He was truly something else.


	4. Maybe

Chapter Four

Chapter Four

"I hate rehearsal."

I groaned, walking beside Carey through the door which led to the studio. Usually, he came here with his mother, but today she would be arriving directly from Annie's recording session. "Carey, you say that every day."

"Every day, I still hate it."

I didn't really mind him saying so, day after day. I was tired, too. We didn't even have a show tonight, but Irene insisted. Irene's my best friend in the world, but honestly, sometimes I wish she'd snap out of her it's-all-business role and give us all a break. We _knew _the songs. Carey understood that as well as I did because he had been with the band the longest. After "Thinkin' About Tomorrow" was a total flop, Irene decided that I better return to my old style of rock-pop, only with more angst—as opposed to my recent all-pop phase. This needed a whole new band, as well. It was decided that Annie could use "Thinkin' About Tomorrow" for her still-in-production album. She would be singing "What You Do" and "One In A Million" as well. It had reached the point of ridicule. I was the guinea pig. Songs that didn't work for me were sent down to Annie, like I was a pile of hand-me-down clothes being passed from the elder sibling to the younger one.

And was it fair? Of course it wasn't fair. What kind of question is that? Fairness is meaningless now. I wrote a song revealing my most innermost thoughts, and gave it to Irene for approval. And then? She gives it to some "world-renowned" professional songwriter she hired, who "fixes" it by making it a million more times angst-y and depressing. Suddenly, I'm no longer Molly Phillips, singer-songwriter. I'm Molly Phillips, singer and co-songwriter. It's ironic—I always thought that co-songwriters worked together. For me, it's an uphill battle—I'm working against them.

Does anyone really care what I think anymore? Maybe it's all about the money now. Maybe it always was. Maybe I thought Irene was one of my best friends, but she never was. Maybe her friendliness all these years was all an act, so that she wouldn't lose me when my music finally reached an audience, like it had now. Maybe I have to face the fact that without my noticing, my entire life slid away from me and out of my grasp. Fi was back, but Annie was still here. My music career was booming, but greed and the constant yearning for success had obliterated its original purpose: actually loving what I do. Now, my music career was just that, a career. A career that I hated just like every other American from San Francisco to Boston.

"Molly?"

I glanced up at Carey's inquiring eyes. Had I drifted off, again? Why did this keep happening to me? I looked around the room, at all my band mates. They were packing up! Had I spaced out all during the session? Was that even possible, to be singing without even being conscious of it? "Why is everyone leaving?" I asked.

"My mom just called. She had to cancel rehearsal today because she got caught up with Annie."

I felt like I was about to cry. "I can't handle this…" I murmured. I hadn't meant to speak my thoughts aloud, and I hoped that Carey hadn't heard me.

He had. With a sympathetic smile he said, "Look on the bright side. We get the day off!"

I sighed. _Pull yourself together, _a voice inside me said. _It's just one canceled session. You don't even like rehearsal!_ Carey stood waiting for me as I scooped up my pocketbook, since I would be driving him home. By now, everyone else in the band was gone, without so much of a goodbye. They were total strangers.

"Okay," I said almost triumphantly, as I walked toward the door.

"Wait!" Carey interrupted. "Isn't that your cell phone ringing?"

I stopped and listened closely. He was right, of course. I unzipped my pocketbook and reached for my cell, pulling out the antenna and holding it to my ear. "Hello?"

"Molly! How are you?" came a distant, but familiar voice on the other end of the line.

"Lisa?"

"How's Annie?" she asked. It was definitely Lisa. For maybe the first time all week, my heart skipped a beat. Maybe this was it. She _had _said that Annie would be staying just for the school year. Maybe now Lisa was calling to tell me that she and Tobias would be flying back to the States in a just a few days, to take away their darling daughter, and maybe, just maybe, life would no longer be so stressful with her gone.

"Annie's… great," I said slowly. "But, I mean, she could be better. She really misses you both."

"Oh, we miss her too!" Lisa assured me. "She's the reason I'm calling. Remember how we agreed that this was only temporary, just for the school year?"

"Yes," I replied, trying my best to contain my excitement.

"Well, I just _hate _to do this but Toby and I were given the most wonderful opportunity that we couldn't possibly refuse. And since Annie's so happy with all of you, it wouldn't be too much of a burden to keep her there for a few more months—would it?"

__

"Would it?" And what am I supposed to say? I had no choice. "N-No," I stammered in a small voice. "She can stay."

"Oh, thanks, Moll! This means so much to us. I knew I could count on you." I was silent. This couldn't be happening. "Well—oh dear, I didn't realize what time it was. I have to go. Bye!"

"Bye," I mumbled, but she had already hung up. I pressed the off button and stared at the phone in my hand. Then it all hit me at once, and I fell to the floor, tears streaming down my cheeks, my arms wrapped around my knees with my back to the wall.

Carey immediately sat on the floor next to me and placed his hand on mine, his eyes full of concern. "That was Annie's mom?" he asked.

I nodded. "A-Annie's staying f-for a few more months," I informed him between sniffles. "What's happening to me, Carey?"

"You're just stressed," he said, brushing away some of my tears. "You're going through a lot right now." I nodded again, blinking hard. Then he took my hands and pulled me to my feet, throwing his arms around me in a tight hug. I nestled my head into his shoulder—I needed to be hugged so badly. I needed someone to comfort me, to get me through this. And Carey was doing exactly that.

We pulled apart, and I looked up into his eyes. He was staring at me. And then, slowly, he leaned in and kissed me. I didn't struggle or try to get away. I closed my eyes and let him shower me with his kisses. I suppose a million thoughts should have been rushing through my mind: that this was so wrong, that he was twenty years younger, my manager's son, and my daughter's crush. That I should back away now, before it's too late. But my only thought was how much I needed this, how much I needed to be loved, and most importantly, how much I needed him.


	5. Questioning Love

Chapter Five

Chapter Five

Our lips parted, and he jumped away from me. "We can't do this," he said. "This is wrong."

He was right, of course, but I wished that he wasn't. Other the past few days, Carey had been nothing short of perfect. He drove me to the airport yesterday when no one else would. He understood what I was going through completely. He even made me dinner. It seemed like he was always around when I was going through something that I couldn't handle, and doing whatever he could to fix it. That was Carey, always there to protect me—my knight in shining armor. So how _could _it be wrong? How could the need, the want, the love for someone ever be wrong?

"Don't leave me," I whispered, looking into his eyes with tears in mine. Maybe it was wrong. And I don't know, maybe I was about to make the biggest mistake of my life. But maybe I also would have made the biggest mistake of my life if I never said what I felt so desperately in my heart. "I need you, Carey. I need you more than anything…"

He pulled me close to him, holding me tight. I let myself fall against him, sniffling into his chest. His body was so warm. I felt his hand gently stroking my hair, as he rested his head atop mine. All I wanted was to stay in his arms like that forever. I could already tell that in the matter of a few minutes, my entire life had been changed completely. But right now, in Carey's arms, I was safe. His love shielded me from all the other pain I had to face.

"We'll make this work," he promised, lightly kissing my forehead. "I'm not going anywhere."

I could still hear his words repeating in my mind hours later, tucked under the covers of my bed as I stared into the darkness. I couldn't even remember the last time I was so happy. Was this love? When was the last time that I even questioned a relationship to be love? It was probably too soon to consider it that, but I hadn't felt this way about anyone since Rick.

I had almost drifted to sleep when I heard the low creak of my door being opened. "Mom?"

I blinked my eyes rapidly, trying to adjust to the light streaming in from the hallway. "Fi, do you need something?"

Her footsteps came closer until she climbed into my bed and lay next to me. "I couldn't sleep," she whispered. Fi hadn't come into my room to sleep beside me since she was six years old, during the days when monsters and ghosts visited her nightmares regularly.

"Why not?" I asked.

"Annie was talking in her sleep," Fi said with a sigh.

"Again?"

"Yeah," she responded. "She's so loud, I can hear her across the hallway. Didn't you?"

"No," I said truthfully. But maybe I was too lost in my thoughts about Carey to even notice.

"She was screaming, too," she added. "'Conrad!' she kept saying. 'Conrad, get that mango tree away from me!'" Fi mimicked in a high-pitched imitation of Annie's voice.

"You can sleep here," I said, laughing.

"Thank God." I smiled at her and lightly traced her chin with my finger. It was good to have Fiona back home, no doubt about that. "Mom?" she whispered again.

"Yes sweetie?"

"Did you talk to Carey?"

I felt my entire face get hot and flushed. Did she know? She couldn't have possibly found out—could she? But then, why would she ask that question? "Um—about what?" I stammered, my body trembling.

"Well… I mean, what we talked about yesterday…"

Oh my God! I had completely forgotten about Fi's crush on him. "No, of course not!" I said quickly. "I thought that was a secret."

"It is! I just wanted to make sure, that's all." She took a deep breath. "I think I want to tell him how I feel," she blurted.

"What?" I asked a little too loudly. "Uh," I added, desperately trying to improvise, "isn't it a little too soon for that?"

"Mom, maybe I'm crazy, but I have this uncontrollable longing to be with him. I just have to tell him, before it's too late, you know?"

I wanted to cry for the millionth time today. It is too late. He's already with somebody else—your own mother. What would I do if Fi ever found out? She'd hate me. I'm probably the one person she thought she could trust, and _I _stole the boy she likes.

Not that I had meant to. Everything just sort of happened by itself, like it was fate. It was a horrible realization to acknowledge that Carey and I would have to keep our relationship secret, at least for a while. But I realized another thing, too, and found new determination: I wasn't about to give him up.


	6. No Regrets

Chapter Six

Chapter Six

There's always something that triggers your first recognition of morning, whether it's the blaring of your alarm clock, or birds singing outside, or someone in your family screaming from the floor below that breakfast is on the table. Even sounds that you normally wouldn't hear during the day are magnified in the quiet of the early daylight hours, such as soft footsteps ascending the stairs.

My eyelids fluttered open slowly as these thoughts rushed through my mind, trying to guess what it had been today. My answer came sooner than it usually did, since he was standing right in the doorway. Carey had his arms folded across his chest, looking slightly amused. "'Morning, sleepyhead."

He burst into a wide smile, and suddenly, my whole day was brighter. "How did you get in here?" I asked. And did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?

Carey closed the door behind him and walked to the edge of my bed, sitting down. "You looked so cute when you were asleep… with your hair all mussed…" At that comment, my hand flew to my head in horror. "No! Molly, it looks perfect like that." He knocked down my hand with his and a tingle shot through my body just at his touch.

"You didn't answer my question."

Carey shrugged. "I'm not a stranger, you know. I just drove over and Fi let me in."

My eyes widened. "Did she say anything to you?" I was afraid to know the answer.

"Besides, 'Mom's upstairs'? No. Why, what's wrong?"

I couldn't tell him. Even though the damage had been done, I trespassed on Fi's property—it was still my duty to keep her secret exactly that. "It's nothing, really," I lied.

Carey appeared unconvinced but didn't question me. "Well, the reason I had to come over is because Mom rescheduled rehearsal—for today. So, I figured I'd drive you."

I sighed, gazing out the window. It was so beautiful outside today, and once again, I'd be cooped up inside a recording studio for God knows how long. Why was I always cooped up and away from my own life? Shaking my head, I planted my feet firmly on the floor and stood up.

Carey gave me a light peck on the cheek. "I'll be waiting downstairs."

I nodded, watching him retreat from the room. Once I had quickly showered, dressed, and put on my makeup, I met him in the family room, and we were on our way. I started to think that perhaps today wouldn't be so bad, after all it was just rehearsal.

"Hi Molly!" Irene greeted me at the door, a giant fake-smile plastered on her face. "This is the song we're doing today," she added, handing me some sheets of paper.

My eyes fell upon it as I glanced over the words wearily. _I'm tired of this. _It was a revelation I should have made long, long ago, before I fell into this mess. We all took our places, me at my microphone, everyone else to their respective instruments. Carey offered me a warm, you-can-do-this smile.

Only, I couldn't. At least not to the person that mattered, and this would be Irene. "Come on, Molly!" she said after the fourth time we started the song over. "Put more emotion into it. You sound like you're sarcastic!"

And then, all the anger, betrayal, and resentment that I had felt over the past few days boiled to the surface and just exploded. "I _am _sarcastic!" I yelled, glaring at her. "Irene, this isn't me! I used to _love _what I do, and now every day, I'm fighting against it. These songs are not me, this music isn't me. How can I put emotion into something when I don't feel it at all?"

After my little outburst, Irene stood there perfectly calm, as though nothing had happened at all. "Okay, guys, how about a break?"

"No!" I screamed, and the entire room fell silent. "Listen to me," I said fixedly, looking her right in the eyes. "I'm tired. I'm sick and tired of _pretending _that everything is perfectly normal, when it's the exact opposite. Do I have no say in what I do anymore?" Irene stared at me, looking somewhat bored. "You were my best friend," I told her. "Now you're just—my manager, nothing more. I'm not a recording artist; I'm a puppet, and you're pulling the strings. But you're not pulling them right now." I took a deep breath as I walked to the door and pulled it open. I spun around and faced her one last time. "I quit."

A collective gasp rose up from my band mates and Irene stared at me. "You _can't _quit!" she exclaimed.

I gazed at her steadily. "I just did." Then I turned and walked down the hallway without looking back. No regrets.


	7. Peppermint

Of course it wasn't long before I heard someone's footsteps shuffling behind me

Chapter Seven

Of course it wasn't long before I heard someone's footsteps shuffling behind me. "You can forget it, Irene. I'm not about to change my…"

"Molly, wait!" I spun around at the sound of Carey's voice. He rested his hand on my shoulder. "Are you sure about this?" His eyes searched mine.

I nodded slowly. "I just can't do something that I don't believe in. It's wrong. I hate having no control! I have to just stop myself, say goodbye, before it went too far. Do you understand that?"

He smiled at me in admiration. "You're really quitting."

"Think she'll hate me?" I asked, trying to smile back through the tears brimming in my eyes.

"Probably," Carey said, wrapping his arm around my shoulder as we continued down the hallway. "Let's get out of here." I didn't know where he was planning to take me, but it didn't make a difference to me. I wasn't trapped anymore in the confines of Irene's management. I wasn't cooped up from life.

He pulled into a parking lot and I eyed the surroundings. We were at a shopping center; Hope Springs seemed to have a lot of those popping up nowadays. "What are we doing here?" I asked.

"You'll see," Carey replied with a mysterious grin. Once we were both out of the car, he grabbed my hand and dragged me through the sparse gathering of people along the sidewalk. He was running, as though we would miss the event of the year if another second went by. "Ta-da!" he exclaimed triumphantly.

I looked around at the striped patterns and smiling children. "An ice cream parlor?"

"What, and you're going to tell me that you don't like ice cream?" Carey asked, giving me a childish pout. "Come on, this place has the best ice cream in town!"

I laughed because he looked so adorable like that. "Okay, okay!"

He grinned, taking my arm and pulling me over to the counter. "Hello, what can I get you today?" a blond-haired boy with a nametag that read Sam asked us.

"We want two cones," Carey told him. "One peppermint and one…" he glanced at me, raising an eyebrow. "Vanilla?"

"Vanilla," I confirmed, still laughing. Our cones arrived shortly and we sat down at a small round table with tall, wiry chairs.

As expected, Carey finished his long before I was even halfway through with mine. "I can't remember the last time I went out for ice cream," I said between licks.

"Well, then I guess it was about time," Carey responded, watching me. He was right, again. I needed to learn how to love my life like I used to and enjoy the little things. He was making it possible.

When I had finished, we went back to the car and drove off again. "Thank you," I said.

"For the ice cream? It was nothing, really…"

"Not just for the ice cream," I responded.

"Then for what?"

I turned to look at him. Did he really need to be told? Couldn't he see how he rescued me? "For everything, Carey. For cheering me up when I was down, for always comforting me, for staying by my side when I needed you, for brightening my life… You showed me what it is to be happy again. What it is to take control, to believe in myself, and so much more."

"I did all that?" he asked in disbelief.

"Yes." He smiled, still staring straight ahead at the road. How did I ever get so lucky? We were both quiet then, and once again I lost myself in my own mind, caught between the jumble of my thoughts, the predominant one being: what would I do if they ever found out?

"Do you wonder what would happen if they knew? About us, I mean. It makes me so angry that we have to keep it a secret, because when two people are so happy together, shouldn't the whole world know about it? But in our case, if the whole world knew, they'd make us miserable. Why is it wrong? Is it age? Why should that matter?"

I stared at Carey, shocked that he had just spoken my exact thoughts. How did he do it? "I do wonder about that… all the time," I added.

"But what would we _do?_" Carey asked, turning toward me. His eyes were wide and worried. "I wouldn't be able to take it if they tried to tear us apart…"

I broke his gaze and looked out the window. They were everywhere. A man and a woman standing by a lake, staring into each other's eyes. Another couple walking by, holding hands. Everywhere I turned, I saw them. Love came so easy to them. Why was it so complicated for us?

"I can't afford to lose you."

I stared at Carey in shock, who was watching the road again like nothing ever happened. His words were enough to bring another tear to my eye. Did he really mean that? He didn't even notice what an impact it had on me, but it meant so much. This whole time it never really seemed like he felt the same way about me as I did about him. Everything seemed surreal; it was too perfect.

_Too_ perfect.


	8. Boyfriend

Chapter Eight AUTHOR'S NOTE: FanFiction.Net is BACK! WOOHOO! We survived those two long weeks, can you believe it? Okay... here is the rest of XOXO! Enjoy! And also, Tablynvan and I made a [ Molly/Carey website][1] in all our free time. LOL. PLEASE check it out and sign the guestbook!  
DISCLAIMER: The lyrics are an excerpt from "Something More" by Train.  
  


Chapter Eight

__

I just opened up my eyes  
And let the world come climbing in

I rolled over in bed and stared at the glowing red numbers of my digital alarm clock. Nine o'clock! It was Thursday and that meant that rehearsal was in an hour, and I still had to get up, take a shower, get dressed, have breakfast, and be at the studio by ten. Then I remembered the events of yesterday—I quit. I really quit. What are you going to do now, Molly? But I already knew what I would do. I would be a real mother to Fiona and Jack now. It was months away, but we would have Christmas at home this year. Everything would be at home, at a real home. After all, this was my original plan after I "quit" the tour last year, wasn't it?

__

It's all better now  
Things are gonna work somehow  
If I just sleep another hour

And of course there was Carey. He was a big part of my life now. God, how I wish we didn't have to hide it. Why couldn't we just tell everyone? If they're really my friends, if they're really my family, then they'll understand. In my heart, I knew they wouldn't. And I knew I'd never muster the courage to tell them, in the fear that they'd try to take him away from me. Despite the sneaking around, the constant worrying, the ever-present doom that the second our lips meet, Fi or Jack or Irene or Ned will burst through the door or walk in the room or show up behind us—despite all that, it was easier this way. It was easier to hide away and still have each other, then to reveal ourselves and be split apart. We'd never have a normal relationship, but at least we'd still have one.

I sighed, my eyes falling upon the phone on my night table. _Call him. _What did I have to lose? He had a private line in his own room. Part of me didn't want to; after all what was I, some giddy teenager? It had been ages since I had called a boyfriend. And then it dawned on me that it was the first time I had actually made reference to Carey as my boyfriend, and it was a weird thought. But Carey _was _my boyfriend, and part of me _did _want to call him, just to hear his voice again… Before I had even had time to fight the urge, I snatched the phone from its holder and punched in the number in about a second's time. I held the phone to my ear, my heart beating wildly as I listened to the rings.

__

Tried to reach you at your mom's  
Hey baby why you trying to keep away for so long?

Five, six, seven. Maybe he wasn't there. I was ready to slam down the phone in frustration when I heard his voice. "Hey."

"Carey, it's me, and I just—"

"I'm not here right now, but leave me a message after the tone and I'll get back to you." My heart sunk. And then I found myself having another debate: Should I leave him a message? Hang up? Try again later? This time, I didn't have time to decide. The long beep of the machine had made its decision for me.

"Hi, Carey, it's me. You're probably wondering why I'm calling you…" I wanted to bite my tongue; of course I would have to make a total fool of myself, wouldn't I? "I mean…" I sighed, at a loss of words again. "I just want to see you again, that's all. Soon." I paused, trying to think of something else, but my mind was blank as usual. "Well, call me back or feel free to come over. 'Bye." I hung up quickly, in fear that if I didn't do it a second sooner, I'd manage to start talking again and sound even more stupid. I _knew _I shouldn't have made that phone call. Well, part of me did, anyway. I sunk back into my pillow face down and groaned.

__

I stopped feeling good  
Somehow I just knew I would  
I guess I'll sleep another hour

"Mom?"

So much for that. I flipped over and sat straight up. Fi stood in the opened doorway, staring at me. The worries rushed to me at once: Had she heard? Did she know? Had I left that door open? Why didn't I check? Why was I so careless? Why did I even bother calling him? I smoothed down my hair and tried to appear as calm as possible. "Yes honey?"

She walked toward me, and as she got closer I realized that her eyes were red and her cheeks were tear-stained. _Oh, God. _My worst nightmare was only beginning.

   [1]: http://www.angelfire.com/weird2/careymolly/



	9. Exploding Bomb

Chapter Nine

Chapter Nine

Fi sat down on the bed in front of me, and I watched her, waiting for the timer to go off, and for the bomb to explode. She avoided eye contact, fidgeting with her hands before finally opening her mouth to speak. Instead, she burst into tears.

"Baby, what's wrong?" I asked, reaching out to hold her. I half expected her to jump away from my touch, but she only fell into it, trembling.

After a minute or two she collected herself and wiped away the tears, not that it did anything to help the puffiness. She looked in my eyes and swallowed hard. "Carey said no."

"What?" I asked, confused. No "Mom, I heard what you said on the phone"? No "Mom, I know about you and Carey"?

"Remember yesterday after dinner, when I said that I was going for a walk?" I nodded, even though I really didn't. Lately I had been having trouble concentrating on everything that wasn't Carey. "Well," Fi continued, sniffling, "I did go for a walk. To Carey's house. I rang his doorbell and he answered and he let me come inside and we went in his bedroom and sat down and… and…" She started to cry again and I rubbed her back soothingly like a mother should do. "I told him how much I like him and care about him and that I wanted to go out with him, and it was so hard for me to tell him all that but… he said no. He said he liked me a lot but he thought of me only as a friend…" she trailed off, the tears flowing once again.

"Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry," I whispered, hugging her tightly.

"Mom, how could he do that to me?" she asked quietly, resting her head on my shoulder.

"I don't know…" I lied.

"I don't think I can ever face him again."

"Of course you can," I said. "Fi, I _know _Carey." Boy, did I. "Something like this isn't going to stop him from being your friend," I added. She remained silent, but at least the sniffling had become softer. "Do you want to see a movie?" I asked suddenly, the thought surprising even myself.

"Huh?" she asked, lifting her head up to look at me.

"We could see a movie," I said. "Me, you, and Annie. It'll be a special treat just for us girls." I grinned. "What do you say?"

Fi looked away, clearly thinking it over. Then her eyes met mine once again and she smiled for the first time this morning. "Count me in."

I thought we'd end up seeing a film that was a bit happier, so Fi could snap out of her gloomy mood, but the two girls immediately picked _Planet of the Apes. _I wasn't a huge fan of the original, but I only wanted to cheer up my daughter a little. After it ended and we left the theater, they both agreed that Mark Wahlberg is, as Annie put it, "a total hottie". This notion even seemed to get Fi's mind off Carey, because throughout the whole ride home, neither of them would shut up about Mark. So, the movie outing was a success. And maybe now that I was no longer a performer, and free to do whatever I wanted to, my entire life would be a success.

We had a peaceful dinner that night—me, Jack, Fi, and Annie. It was almost a miracle to have them all home and at the table at the same time, which had been a rarity lately. Jack had been accepted into the University of Colorado and since it was only a one hour drive from here, he was constantly driving there to get himself comfortable with the college and others who would be attending with him. This was the first time in a few days that he had made it home in time for a real family dinner. We were a real family now, a family that stayed in one spot and went out to movies and had homemade dinner instead of McDonald's burgers and french fries. I could really get used to this idea.

As I thought about this while lying in my bed late that night, my only regret was Carey wasn't with us. He dropped by for meals quite often and I really thought that he might have done so tonight. It wouldn't be anything out of the ordinary, and I _had _left him that horrible message on his answering machine. Then again, he was probably giving Fi some time to heal her broken heart.

A noise startled me just then, and I looked around to see where it was coming from. It sounded like knocking, but it wasn't the kind of sound that was made when someone knocked on the door. The only other place was—the window! I turned to look out it and gasped.

I stared through the glass and into Carey's eyes. Just like all the movies and TV shows and books, he had climbed up the tree outside my room and was using the window as his entrance. I opened it quickly and helped pull him inside. Over his shoulder, I noticed his car sitting parked on the road in front of our house. Carey steadied himself on the floor, breathing heavily. One look at his face told me all I needed to know: this wasn't good.


	10. Cryptic Silence

Chapter Ten DISCLAIMER: The song "Love Is Broken" is from the episode _Twin_.  
  


Chapter Ten

__

It's dark outside  
And the baby's asleep  
You're going for a ride

"Carey, what are you doing here?" I whispered. I was scared—no, terrified, really. He stood there staring at me, unmoving. I didn't know what to do or say. I just wanted him to tell me why he was here; why he had to sneak in my house through my bedroom window at nearly 1 a.m. I wanted to know why his car was parked outside, and why he didn't just walk here since it wasn't too far. I wanted to know what was wrong, because he wouldn't be here if something wasn't.

__

Why is it black?  
What is this tingle on the back of my neck?

Carey broke his gaze and looked toward the window. The silence was the worst. It was a cryptic silence, hiding its secret message between ten thousand puzzle pieces of Carey. "Please," I begged, surprised to hear my own voice sounding so shaky. "Please, just tell me." His gazed stayed fixed on the window. My entire room was dark and I could barely see him in the shadows, if it weren't for the streetlight outside dimly shining on his face. But not even a million of the brightest light bulbs would allow me to really see him. I sighed, blinking back tears of frustration.

__

It's cold outside  
And the fire's burned out  
You're going for a ride

"Have you ever wondered about what it would be like to live in a perfect world? I know what everyone wants. They want less pollution, less violence, less poverty. But do you know what I want? Acceptance. That's my perfect world. Nobody would ask questions. Unconditional love. What you do is your own business. Why can't it be like that now? Why does it have to be an unreachable level of perfection?" He faced me, eyes wide and imploring. "Why?" The question hung in the air. I kept my mouth shut, speechless, and Carey turned back to the window. He was talking about us, of course, but why? What made it so urgent right now? After a long silence, he opened his mouth to speak again. "I'm leaving, Molly."

__

Don't go

"What?" The word came out in a hoarse whisper, because my mouth was dry. My entire body, mind, and soul felt dry, and I needed Carey to replenish me. "You can't leave," I said. He didn't move, still staring out the window. I needed him. I couldn't bear the thought of living without him. But in my mind, he was already gone.

__

Walking down the sidewalk  
In New York City snow  
A stranger brushed against us  
His face was all in shadow  
A shiver ran right down my spine  
I pulled your arm through mine  
I shut my eyes but still could see  
The night I'd whisper tenderly

"My mom heard your message."

My body froze in shock. She knew. Soon everyone would know. How could I have been so stupid? Why did I ever pick up that phone this morning? Couldn't I have seen this coming? Tears ran down my cheek. We both knew that sooner or later, someone was going to find out. It's impossible to keep a secret so huge. But I always thought it'd be later. "It's all my fault," I said, in a tone barely audible.

"No it isn't," Carey said firmly, placing his hands on my shoulders and looking me right in the eyes. "I left my room for a few minutes and didn't think to close my door. My mom was walking in the hallway and she heard your voice so she stopped to listen… she didn't mention this to me until after rehearsal…" Carey's voice trailed off as I started to tremble through my sobs. "Don't cry," he said, pulling me close to him. "Please don't cry."

__

Your breath is still on my lips  
Your touch is on my fingertips  
Your tears are still on my cheek  
Your voice still makes me weak  
Gifts I will never give you  
Lives I will never live with you  
Words that will never be spoken  
The moment I lose you  
Love is broken  
Love is broken

Somehow I managed to grab a hold of myself and soothed the tears. "Where are you going?" I asked him.

I felt his back stiffen and the cryptic silence that was such a mystery had returned once more. He pulled away gently, staring right over my shoulder like I wasn't even there. "I can't tell you," he said quietly.

And then all the hurt, all the deep-set anger that I had trying to conceal, burst through in a giant explosion. "You can't _tell _me?" I asked in disbelief. "You told me you weren't going anywhere. You said that we would make this work. And then you show up at my bedroom window in the middle of the night, announce that you're leaving, and won't even tell me where you're going to go?" The tears were streaming down my face uncontrollably and I made no effort to stop the flow. "God, Carey! Don't you get it? Don't you know that you mean everything to me? You were my hero."

_I didn't want to love you  
I didn't want to go that deep  
I didn't want a dream come true  
Just to lose it while I sleep  
Every night I held you tight  
Don't take him from me now  
Every day I'd wake and say  
I got to keep him one more day  
Oh thank you, thank you for this day _

I stared at him expectedly, waiting for an answer. "I have to go," he said in a voice barely above a whisper.

I bit my bottom lip. "Go where?" I asked pleadingly, hoping desperately that he'd give me an answer. "Please, Carey," I said in a tone much softer than the one I had used before. "Please, just _tell _me where you'll be. Just so I know. Just so I don't have to spend the rest of my life wondering. Please…"

He quickly enveloped me in another hug, holding me in his arms for the longest time. "I'm so sorry… Please forgive me…" he murmured. I closed my eyes tight, embracing the moment. This was the last time I'd feel his strong arms holding me tight, the last time I'd rest my head on his shoulder, the last time I'd feel his hands in my hair or his whispers in my ear. And maybe it was the last time I'd ever see him.

__

Gifts I will never give you  
Lives I will never live with you  
Words that will never be spoken  
The moment I lose you  
Love is broken  
Love is broken

I felt his lips upon mine. It was our last kiss and it should have been our longest, most passionate one ever, only it wasn't. I couldn't find the strength to kiss him back, to kiss the man who had rescued me from the danger only to leave me right in the midst of it. I couldn't kiss him goodbye, because if I did, then he'd really be leaving.

He left anyway, of course. I didn't bother to watch him go; I didn't bother to listen to his car driving away. I didn't need those scenes or sounds imprinted in my memory forever, coming back to haunt me. I didn't want to be reminded that Carey was gone.

__

Walking down the hallway  
Turning off the lights  
There's no need to wait up for you  
It's time to say goodnight  
You know the day you go away  
Then I'll become a ghost  
Doomed to walk the world without  
The one I loved the most

I lied back down on my bed and naturally began to sob uncontrollably. I could still smell his cologne. I still felt the warmth of his body against mine, and his hands running through my hair. What if I ever forgot how that felt? But why would I even want to remember? The memories only make it worse. I leaned back hard against the pillow in sorrow, when I heard a strange crinkling noise. Reaching under my pillow, I found the cause of this sound—a piece of paper.

__

Your breath is still on my lips  
Your touch is on my fingertips  
Your tears are still on my cheek  
Your voice still makes me weak  
Gifts I will never give you  
Lives I will never live with you  
Words that will never be spoken  
The moment I lose you

The light switch on my nightstand was quickly flicked as I peered at the handwritten note, blurred through my tears.

__

Dear Molly,  
I knew you'd be upset when I told you what I had to do. And I knew that I probably wouldn't be able to explain to you the reason why, and maybe I'd never be able to tell you where I was going. But believe me, it's better this way. If I could stay, I would in a heartbeat, but I have to go. After my mom found out, she forbid me to see you. I couldn't stay, because I'd only be tempted and I can't live to be so near to what I can never have. I'm so sorry. But there's another thing that I doubted I'd be able to tell you, Molly, and it's that I love you. No matter where I am, or who I'm with, I'll always love you. You'll always be number one.  
XOXO  
Carey

It was possibly the sweetest, most touching letter I had ever read. He loved me. He told me that he loved me, but I wished that he hadn't—because for the rest of his life, he would go on never knowing that I loved him too.

__

Love is broken  
Love is broken  
Love is broken  
Love is broken

THE END


End file.
